Cubist Little Richard

I found this on the hard drive of my work laptop. I forgot I had it on there and
I was bored at lunch so I printed it out and put it together.

Hmmm... Classic literature

So I've heard about the book by Vladimir Nabokov "Lolita" and its supposed to be a masterpiece and his most important work, blah blah blah. But apparently it's about a child molester but well-written. Like that makes it better. Makes me wonder about things. Anyways here is the extremely compressed version of the book complements of Dinosaur Comics:


click on picture for full comic

I'm not entirely sure what to think of the book now but I think it's off my list of books to read before I die.

Jack the Ripper's bear

I saw Jack the Ripper's trained killer bear in Provo last night. It was attacking some poor, defenseless snowman. Beheading it actually. It was disturbing, natch.

Before that I was almost killed by the mayor of the city as well. Bored to death is more like it but that's besides the point. Looks like it's a dangerous city out there.

Since the price of gas went through the roof reaching over $4.50 a gallon as recently as a few months ago I've slowed down considerably. I am enjoying the money saved. Other people apparently were aware of this as well because everyone else was going the speed limit and I was even passing a lot of people but No More! Now that fuel prices are less than half of what they were, everybody is driving fast again. I feel like the tortoise from the ancient proverb constantly getting passed by the faster hares. At least I'm saving money, suckers! Not as much fun though. Crap.


Also I love new socks. I would be supremely happy if I could wear only new ones. There is nothing better than putting on a pair of brand new socks. It's also nice to have the cushion with no holes especially since I have to (on occasion) wear my boots for up to 18 hours. Even with $140 boots the socks really make a difference. Yup. They are one of the good things in life.

And last but not least I read this on HCwDB:
"DJs can play a great role in the club experience. Being a DJ is not auto-douche, and many are extremely good at what they do. DJs are entertainers. DJs can create and facilitate a great club vibe.What DJs are not, however, are musicians. They are a trade. And the problem lies when they try to confuse the two.I'm talking to you, trust fund ecstasy taking DJ pseudo-artist. Learn what a seventh chord is. Learn what the "circle of fifths" is. Learn to play an actual instrument. Until then, you are no more a musician than a printing press is an author.You are a facilitator. A middle man. A bureaucrat in creative drag. An intermediary disguised as producer.Even the great postmodern artists learned how to produce traditional classically trained art. Warhol was a graphic designer. Picasso and Dali learned classical realism before experimenting with form. DJs desire to tap into the societal myth of "rock star" without having to bother with learning the chords or put in the creative energy in coming up with any music on their own.And I understand that.Who wouldn't want the benefits of being rock-star famous without having to have the musical talent or creativity to back it up? It's auto-fame without merit. Like characters out of Vonnegut's Harrison Bergeron, they give hope to the talentless by spreading the wealth equally, no matter one's innate abilities. They offer a gateway to fame through random egalitarian lottery.Get the right haircut and hold a set of retro 80s headphone to one ear and you too can stand on a pedestal and play the star.But therein lies the problem. They want to roll out of bed with perfectly tussled hair at 1pm, turn on their iPod turntable with the retro-analog speakers and call themselves an artist. But no amount of carefully placed tribal tatts and stubble will turn you into a genuine production point, sample-boy. You are an empty vessel set to other people's beats. A shell of human form emulating the authentic under the rubric of postmodern refraction and reinvention. Because you're not willing to put in the work that will lead to genuine inspiration.I'm not saying you DJs don't have your place. You're like my aural waiter. You bring me the sonics, and I appreciate it. If I could tip, I'd definitely go over 15%. Provided you play some Fishbone and De La Soul.Know your place, sonic proletariat, and all will be well in the witching hour.Put on delusions of grandeur, claim the role of creator instead of what you really are, an ambulatory iPod with a stupid haircut and no health insurance, and God will keep you out of Israel forever."

I think I agree.

The nightmare keeps getting worse... J/K

Creepy, isn't he?

Nightmare Before Christmas has som pretty good music but now it's better. In September Nightmare REvisited was released and it has various artists such as Korn, Flyleaf, Amy Lee, Marylin Manson, etc. I like it quite a bit. Click here for a full preview of the album. There is an annoying guy at the begining of each track but it's better than buying it right now. By the way I'm probably going to buy it for Candice as part of her gift at Christmas. Kind of fitting. So don't tell her or the kids; they aren't the best at keeping secrets.

Also From LFG: Cameos

This comic is pretty disturbing but entertaining and I thought these cameos were pretty good. You should be able to figure out the first one easily. It's become pretty mainstream. The other one is not so obvious unless you've read some fantasy but you ought to be able to figure it out. Especially with all the handy labels.


Click on pictures for full view.

And now for something slightly disturbing!

Real Age = YAY

I took the RealAge test and I was expecting to be over 30 because of all the stress and other crap I deal with or rather don't deal with. I was pleasantly surprised that I got a RealAge of 26. One year younger than chronological age. I liked the suggestions especially "Hang up and Drive." Probably a good idea but it's not going to happen. By the way, that is an actual screenshot from the end of the test. Anyways, I feel a little better about myself. Now if I only felt that young.

P.S. I forgot to mention that my RealAge is 2 years younger than my little brother who is chronologically 5 years younger than me. Of course, he can still kick my @$$ so yay.

wrong song...

I was a little confused for a while. I thought a song on the radio was from Panic at the Disco but in reality it was from The Offspring. If you listen to it you can hear the Offspring sound but it definitely has Panic influences. Oh, I forgot to mention the name of the song. It's "You're Gonna Go Far Kid". Listen to it, you'll see. I promise.

Odds and ends

I forgot to mention that in the previous post that he owns cats because they are the ninja of the animal world. And something else but I can't remember right now. The rest of this post is just random stuff.

First off, we had my work Thanksgiving dinner yesterday and afterwards we watched Iron Man. I love that movie. That was the third time watching it and I still think that the giant suit looks like a Space Marine. So here's some Warhammer 40K fun:





Someone has way too much time on their hands:

I hate those Geico commercials:

I'm am so glad the election is over:

And I have finally inconclusively proved the existence of the elusive Sewer Monkey:

Don't ask what the other stuff is.


And last but not least, this pissed me off the other night. I pulled up to a light. It was red in all four directions for several minutes but as you can see in the picture, on the left is the walking sign and the right is the don't walk sign. I don't get it. Stupid lights.

The lost years of James Mcintosh Qwilleran

Unbeknownst to the residents of Moose county and the rest of the world, billionaire philanthropist James McIntosh Qwilleran's youth was lost in the annals of time. Until now. Trolling the seas of vast information on the Internet I have discovered that before Qwill (as he is lovingly known to the residents of Moose county) adopted the famous cat Kao Ko Kung and incidentally Yum Yum, and inherited his billions he was secretly (dum dum DA!) a NINJA! While being a big time reporter he did ninja work on the side fighting crime. Where do you think he got the info for his prize winning book on crime? If you don't believe me I offer the following proof: a picture of taken while in full ninja dress.

Note the luxuriant salt and pepper mustache.

That my friends is something you can't fake. For further reading on the adventures of the young ninja Qwilleran, I would suggest reading Dr. McNinja. Amazing, I know. And so my readers, I leave you with just that golden nugget of information lest more completely blows your minds and you spend the rest of your days as a vegetable, unable to read my blog any further. I need all the readers I can get.

Say hello to my leetle friends!

Candice always tells the girls to "learn something new, make a new friend." Today, I did just that. I "learned" that the life preserver case at work is made of unsealed fiberglass. I made "friends" with the hundreds of glass slivers in my forearms. Fantastic. Also I learned that I don't learn very well. So in another two years you can expect that I will again be complaining about my "new friends." And yes, it itches. Thanks for asking.

Absolute rubbish...

I'd say this is up there with people believing Mormons have horns.

There is a windmill in my beard. Your argument is invalid!

Ah, November. The time of year when a man's face sings the praises of the beard. It is also National Beard Month for which required reading can be found here. There are some very notable beards including General Ambrose Burnside and Brigham Young. I have been know to sport a BY beard from time to time. Unfortunately as my beard is of the same quality as a fifteen year old boy's mine was not quite as amazing but none the less I persevere. Happy beard growing.

I will leave you with some inspiration:






And last but not least:

Wow and ouch

I've been reading about doing shoulder dislocations which apparently improve shoulder health and mobility. I could use more of both. The video I found was taken off of YouTube so I looked for another one. Here's the video I found:



By the way, this guy is ripped. Just in case you didn't notice.
The shoulder dislocations just look painful.

Purple is the new red and blue.

Hmmm...

If the world were logical, men would be the ones to ride sidesaddle.

We're manly men

I ran across this quote from Teddy Roosevelt on a post on the Art of Manliness and it made me think a bit about my life.


"What we have a right to expect of the American boy is that he shall turn out to be a good American man.
The boy can best become a good man by being a good boy–not a goody-goody boy, but just a plain good boy.

I do not mean that he must love only the negative virtues; I mean that he must love the positive virtues also. ‘Good,’ in the largest sense, should include whatever is fine, straightforward, clean, brave and manly.

The best boys I know–the best men I know–are good at their studies or their business, fearless and stalwart, hated and feared by all that is wicked and depraved, incapable of submitting to wrongdoing, and equally incapable of being aught but tender to the weak and helpless.

Of course the effect that a thoroughly manly, thoroughly straight and upright boy can have upon the companions of his own age, and upon those who are younger, is incalculable.

If he is not thoroughly manly, then they will not respect him, and his good qualities will count for but little; while, of course, if he is mean, cruel, or wicked, then his physical strength and force of mind merely make him so much the more objectionable a member of society.

He can not do good work if he is not strong and does not try with his whole heart and soul to count in any contest; and his strength will be a curse to himself and to every one else if he does not have a thorough command over himself and over his own evil passions, and if he does not use his strength on the side of decency, justice and fair dealing.

In short, in life, as in a football game, the principle to follow is: Hit the line hard: don’t foul and don’t shirk, but hit the line hard."

Lately I admit I've felt a little jealous of some guys I see because they are out doing things that I always wanted to do but never could. They've got nice cars and motorcycles and go out and do the various things that I never got to do because I was a father at 19. No time for much but taking care of my family. I didn't really get to play around. But I look at these guys and a lot of them seem to be boys in men's bodies and now I don't feel so bad. I'm not saying I'm manly like Teddy is saying but it gives me some idea of how I should be and gives me a template of sorts to use in raising my son.

So anyways, Teddy Roosevelt for Pres. in '08 would be great. Much better choice than what we are stuck with.

Juggling Fun

Yesterday the family and I went to the Scarecrow Festival at Thanksgiving Point. There I saw a juggler juggle two balls and a live kid. It sounds worse than it really was. He juggled two balls in one hand while holding the little boy in his other. He threw the balls a little higher then switched the boy to the other side. The more interesting thing I saw him do was spin a hula hoop on his right leg while juggling with his left, doing a paddle ball with his right hand and spinning a top on his tongue. I was tired just watching him.

Also (in the vein of my line of work) he pulled out a toilet brush, a plunger and said he will juggle them with a "piece of poo". Turns out he meant a piece of "Pooh". He had half a stuffed Pooh on a stick. I've got to admit he was pretty good.

The one with the poo

Apparently "Friends" really does relate to my life! I quote Chandler: "Whose number two? One of the more difficult games sewer workers play." Not too often my profession is mentioned on TV.

Awkward silences straight ahead!

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Need I say more?

So I sez to the guy...

So there was this female fly sitting on a cow pie and a male fly comes over and says "Pardon me, but is this stool taken?"

I'm getting in shape (and I don't mean round)

"If it weren't for the fact that the TV set and the refrigerator are so far apart, some of us wouldn't get any exercise at all."
Joey Adams

"Those who think they have not time for bodily exercise will sooner or later have to find time for illness."
Edward Stanley

"Children have never been very good at listening to their elders, but they have never failed to imitate them."
James Baldwin

"If you are not in the process of becoming the person you want to be, you are automatically engaged in becoming the person you don't want to be. "
I don't remember where I got this from but it's true.

“A nail is driven out by another nail. Habit is overcome by habit.”
Desiderius Erasmus



I will start working out seriously tomorrow. I've been kind of doing stuff here and there but not really anything comprehensive. I picked up a copy of "Core Performance" by Mark Verstegen. I read it and it made a lot of sense. I'm really not in good shape; I have poor posture and a lot of weak areas. The program outlined in the book helps shore up your weaknesses so you have balanced fitness.

I put on some weight when I was working at nights on the weekends. I went from about 8% body fat to about 15% almost doubling it. Also I went from 150 to 165 lbs. in about 5 months. I've never really had abs but now I definitely don't. Instead I now have a nice little belly. Once I quit working nights I started to slowly lose the weight but my belly is still sticking around. I started eating vegetarian in the beginning of June and as you can tell by the info below I lost some weight:


April 29
Weight: 156.4 lbs.
Body fat: 11.4%
Muscle: 45.1%
BMI: 21.2

Sept 6
Weight: ???
Body fat: 10.8%
Muscle: 45.7%
BMI: 20.9

Sept 21
Weight: 152.8 lbs.
Body fat: 10.5%
Muscle: 45.9%
BMI: 20.7

Now those numbers really aren't that bad but I need to be able to keep up with all my kids and I'm slowing down already. Plus I eventually want to look like this:

Whether or not that is realistic is besides the point. I can dream can't I? Plus we all need goals. There isn't really any motivation to workout if you don't have a goal to visualize to get you through the crappy parts (which is everything). Anyways I plan on following the "Core Performance" workout for around 12 weeks which is as long as it goes. Maybe afterwards I will try the "300" workout which (as evidenced by the photo) works wonders when combined with proper nutrition. I am going to try and check in every Monday with my weight, body fat, muscle percent and BMI(according to my scale). Also I will let you know if I have actually done the workouts I'm supposed to do. I know that those scales aren't perfectly accurate but they give you a good idea of what's going on in your body.

Anyways GOOD LUCK TO ME!

Why did we have to go there?

Want to hear a funny story about my divorce? Yeah, me too. On a similar note I went to Walmart with the family (which we don't usually do) and guess who we ran into? You've got it, my ex! She and her husband told the girls all about "the big surprise" and then she grabbed them both by the throat and kissed them on the head. You heard right: she grabbed them by the throat. I couldn't believe it. Actually I can. You don't live with someone for four years and not learn something about them. Now it wasn't a "I'm going to kill you!" throat grab but that's not an appropriate way to pull your child towards you. What to do, what to do, what to do?

Arrgh! Health Insurance!

Editor's note: I am not anti-Republican. Just anti-stupid.

Yesterday, I believe, I heard about John McCain's brilliant idea for health care reform. He's going to tax anyone who has an employer that cares enough about its employees to pay for some of their health insurance deductible. What ever money the employer pays for your deductible is going to be considered income and therefore taxable. Then they will give a credit for 2500 for a single person or 5000 for a family to apply towards the extra taxes you would have to pay. This is to encourage people to leave the safety of their employer-sponsored plan and forage out into the wide, wonderful world of the unregulated health insurance market. There you will find no leverage, no group discounts, plenty of years wasted on pre-existing conditions and the insurance companies have all the power.

The idea behind this is that this will give everyone the chance to get health insurance subsidized by the government. So for a family you would get 5000 a year to pay for health insurance. The problem is the market is unregulated and they can charge whatever they want. My employer is generous enough to pay all of my insurance premium which is $10,800 a year. Serious. That $5k from the government is not going to be very helpful if you still have to pay $5k a year for the premium. Most people who don't have insurance cant afford an additional $5k a year. Plus this amount is not going to increase over the next 10 years. So when the premium is $15k per year that $5k isn't going to be very helpful if you can't afford to shell out an extra thousand a month. Also there won't be enough money collected from the extra taxes to really pay for this so the money is going to have to come from somewhere.

So this sounds like a great plan if you make a lot of money or have so many houses you can't remember how many you have. Nice.

P.S.
It's not that I don't think that everyone should be able to have health insurance, I just don't think it should be subsidized only by people who have employer-sponsored insurance. There needs to be a fundamental overhaul of the insurance market so they can't gouge you for coverage and deny payment for services.

I can't believe it took me this long...

This is kind of dumb but why does Edna Mode from The Incredibles have such high security? I mean she is just a clothes designer who used to make the costumes for the supers, right? Well I just realized that she knows everything about them, their secret identities, their powers and the extent of their powers. If someone(Syndrome?) really wanted to find out about the supers, they could do worse than to get try and get the info from Edna. Or it might be the last thing they do.

I really like the look on her face here. I don't think you want to cross her.