Epic Pants: the Blog

Lies. All Lies.

2011-05-13T19:36:00.001-07:00

The biggest lie in the history of the universe, "I have read and agree to the Terms of Service."

2011-04-30T17:31:00.001-07:00

Apparently Fred or George Weasley works at my local grocery store.

Captain Awesome to the rescue!

2011-04-29T11:33:00.001-07:00

Hail Yeah!

2011-04-25T16:33:00.001-07:00

So today at hailed at my house...

2011-04-24T16:15:00.001-07:00

When I recently started watching Pushing Daisies, I thought it sounded like a bit like a book on tape. My wife thought so too. Then I realized the narrator is Jim Dale who narrated all the Harry Potter books.

2011-04-19T20:12:00.000-07:00

Tonight is the Skynet became self aware. 8:11 pm. Be prepared.

Wish I had some pie

2011-04-18T18:24:00.001-07:00

If you can remember "Can I have a large container of coffee?" You will always know pi.

Eat that, James Cameron

2011-04-14T13:04:00.001-07:00

It cost $7 million to build the Titanic and $200 million to make a movie about it.

Got My Axe Back

2011-04-13T21:48:00.001-07:00

Funny thing happened the other day when I was watching Yes Man. When Luis Guzman is on the ledge threatening to jump and Jim Carey picks up a guitar and plays Jumper made me realize I want to start playing the guitar again. So I walked over to my parent's and grabbed both of my guitars and sat down and learned to play Jumper. Nice thing was I remembered quite a bit from when I last played before Kennedy was born 11 years ago.

Apocalypse Now

2011-04-13T20:32:00.001-07:00

Every now and then I start thinking about the impending zombie apocalypse. Especially on nights like this when the sky is fill of dark clouds and the wind is whipping around like it wants to destroy everything in it's path. It's happened often enough through the years that tonight I realized I have a pretty solid plan.

Welcome to McHell

2011-04-13T18:39:00.001-07:00

About a year and a half ago, I ate at a well known eating establishment with my family. Unfortunately, everyone (including me) who ordered a popular, cheese-covered, beef product was violently ill in the middle of the night and good times were had by all. I haven't been able to bring myself to eat any beef product from them since. Plus they use GMO foodstuffs.

Lemony goodness

2011-04-13T18:26:00.001-07:00

Watching Despicable Me with my boys right now, it occurs to me that the minions look like Tic Tacs.

Rant

2011-04-12T18:50:00.001-07:00

"Remember when teachers, public employees, Planned Parenthood, NPR and PBS crashed the stock market, wiped out half of our 401Ks, took trillions in TARP money, spilled oil in the Gulf of Mexico, gave themselves billions in bonuses, and paid no taxes? Yeah, me neither….."

Meet the meat.

2011-04-10T19:08:00.001-07:00

2011-03-28T07:47:00.001-07:00

"Stronger people are harder to kill than weak people, and in general, more useful."

Mark Rippetoe

'Roids

2011-03-23T15:47:00.001-07:00

Apparently some vegetables are starting to feel insecure with their size. It looks like they've started giving steroids to yams now. I guess "I yam what I yam and that's what I yam." no longer applies. Popeye would be disappointed.

Allan! Allan! Allan!

2009-08-21T09:20:00.000-07:00

I saw this awhile ago and it was recently brought to my attention again and it's still funny.

Oh boy

2009-06-29T10:02:00.000-07:00

2009-06-24T09:54:00.000-07:00

Oh no's!

2009-05-27T17:54:00.000-07:00

This is something that has bugged me while watching TV and movies. It always happens. This graph I found at GraphJam deftly represents my annoyance of horror type movies/TV shows:

I've seen a lot of this going on as I am watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer with Candice as well as when we watched all of Charmed. At least it's entertaining.

Movies

2009-05-17T09:47:00.000-07:00

There are a few movies this summer I want to see including Terminator Salvation. Every time I see a preview for it I always hear a part of JukeJoint Jezebel from KMFDM. Specifically the part at about 1:05. "...sister salvation..." Isn't quite the same but there you have it.

Odds and ends 2

2009-04-22T14:48:00.000-07:00

This was a nice surprise for me because I have given this subject much thought throughout my life. This was posted on qwantz and it made me laugh remembering all the time I spent trying to figure this out. Now I don't have to, I just need to buy this shirt and wear it at all times(just in case).

I also thought this was funny from QC. Just another dinosaur related item. I did a report on this kind of stuff in my junior year for English. Good times. Not really, high school was not fun.

I saw these on failblog.

Today I saw stars and by stars I mean ouch!

2009-03-16T20:05:00.000-07:00

Today I have a funny story with a kind of sad beginning. The mother of one of my co-workers passed away after a year-long bout with bone marrow cancer. Incidentaly another co-worker passed away Saturday morning.. At work we always take up a donation to get flowers or something. Two other guys and I were in charge of purchasing a large potted plant and a card for my co-worker. At the green house I bent over to check the price of a plant. When I stood up, there just happened to be a hanging plant over my head. I almost K.O.'d myself. As it was everything went dark. Or rather, darker. I was a little worried until I realized my sunglasses slipped off the top of my head and over my eyes. Duh. Would have been funnier if it was someone else.

2009-03-16T13:21:00.000-07:00

I just drove past a church that had a sign outside that said "Eternity: smoking or non-smoking". Personally I prefer my soul unscorched.

Another great use for pot!

2009-02-18T16:02:00.000-08:00

From The Daily Herald again, another great headline on 18 February 2009 " Gas saver? Pot makes gas gauge read half full" The Associated Press SANDY, Utah -- " A stash of grass can take the place of a lot of gas, but it won't do anything for mileage. A Utah man took his newly acquired used SUV to a mechanic to find out why the gas gauge always read half-full. The mechanic in Sandy looked inside the gas tank and found about 35 pounds of marijuana in plastic-wrap packages that filled about half of the tank's volume. Police estimate the pot is worth about $35,000. The Nissan Armada has had several different owners and was once a rental car. Sandy police are trying to figure out who stashed the pot but say the current owner is not a suspect. Investigators in the town south of Salt Lake City say the drug packs could have been in the tank for months."

I bet that was a shock to the mechanic who pulled the tank. And they say buying a car isn't an investment. That car was worth at least $35,000. So the moral of the story is buy cars owned by drug smugglers or diamond smugglers. Just kidding. Drugs are bad. But seriously don't buy a car from a grape smuggler. Ughh. Bad thoughts.

Hilarious!

2009-02-17T20:23:00.000-08:00

Here is just about the best headline I've ever read: "Wedgie as good as handcuffs in suspect detention"
It's from the Daily Herald on 17 February 2009. Here's the article.
The Associated Press SALT LAKE CITY -- "It took a wedgie and a headlock to pin down a man suspected of breaking into a car. Yvonne Morris, a technician at the Brickyard Animal Hospital, says she chased a man who broke into a co-worker's car, but he kept squirming away from her. The third time, Morris grabbed hold of the man's boxer shorts and pulled. Salt Lake City police say she then she put a headlock on the man until help could arrive. The man was booked into the Salt Lake County jail on suspicion of vehicle burglary, possession of stolen property and outstanding warrants."
Pretty funny. I bet he was embarrassed getting his @&& handed to him by a girl. So if you're having a problem with some guy just remember: wedgies are effective. Please don't use it on me.

And now for your consideration!

2009-02-01T07:24:00.000-08:00

Epic pirate rap. Never thought I would say that but I found some of the coolest music I've heard in a while. Just when I thought new rap was just a bunch of talentless crap. It all sounds the same now days. Nothing seems to be new but this is definitely not your average rap. Captain Dan and the Scurvy Crew. It's kind of funny and reminiscent of 90's gangster rap. If you think about it pirates were pretty gangster. They were more O.G. than anybody around nowadays. Check it out.

Apparently there is a whole genre of pirate music out the on the Internets. Pirate rap, pirate rock and traditional pirate music. Good times.

hahahha

2009-01-22T08:36:00.001-08:00

I swear that spiders really do say this kind of stuff. Have you ever had one that was watching you? Creepy, stupid spiders.

I have this problem all the time. Plus I type faster than I can spell.

Holy crap

2009-01-22T07:21:00.000-08:00

I saw this video and thought about the people who said that a body weight workout isn't good enough for them. Here's my rebuttal.

If you're offended by foul language, turn off the sound. It's just music and isn't

important to the video.

the rapper and the pres.

2009-01-20T11:05:00.000-08:00

I had a few things knocking around in my brain and here are the ones that I can actually remember. I know there was more but I have forgotten.

So first of all, Joaquin Phoenix has quit acting to become... a RAPPER! Yes, you read right, a rapper. Apparently he didn't want to keep doing other people's stuff and chose to follow his heart.

In other news, I watched the inauguration today. My boss said that we can come back to the plant and watch it so I got paid to watch. I thought I was going to

miss it so that was great. It was pretty interesting although I didn't expect a benediction and I really didn't expect there to be some jokes at the end.

I didn't know what to think when he said something about "white doing what's right". It seemed kind of racist but maybe I misunderstood what he was saying.

Oh well, at least I got to watch it.

Quit picking on me!

2009-01-13T12:53:00.000-08:00

Yes, I know I don't know everything about this conflict; I'm basing it on what I've heard from NPR and the BBC.

The Israel/Hamas conflict has been bringing back painful memories of childhood that I would rather forget. I suppose that those memories have also shaped to a certain degree my view on the conflict. As far as I can tell, Hamas has been launching rockets into Israel for years now. I've been hearing about it on NPR for a while now. Now Israel has launched an offensive to stop the rocket attacks and destroy smuggler tunnels that go in and out of the Gaza strip. The whole world is trying to bring about a cease-fire or treaty or something. There was a cease-fire but Hamas decided to break it for whatever reason. I heard some audio clips from the Israeli spokesperson and one from Hamas. The Israeli guy said that they will agree to a cease-fire if Hamas stops launching rockets. The Hamas official said we will agree if Israel stops the offensive first and that they will keep launching the rockets until they stop.

Now that is what brings back the bad memories. People who start something and when someone reacts, they get huffy and say you need to stop or apologize because you attacked me. When I was a kid and someone hit me and when I reacted by hitting them back they would get angry with me and hit me again and call me a jerk or something. It always pissed me off and I didn't understand what the hell was going on. If I did something to someone else, they would do it back. It seems pretty normal to retaliate and keep it even. But I don't understand when people get upset about a retaliation that was equal to the act that started it in the first place.

My "favorite" example was when I had a run in with Craig in elementary school. I was playing with a friend throwing a ball against the wall(sounds fun, eh?) and he ran by and kicked the ball away from me. I chased after the ball and when I went to pick it up, he ran back and stomped on my hand. It hurt and pissed me off and I called him a "dick". Now I didn't yell it out or anything. I mostly said it under my breath but he heard me. About five minutes later, a recess monitor came over and told me I need to not call people names. I explained what happened and she said that it doesn't matter. I had to apologize to the person who kicked my ball away and stomped on my hand. I got lectured for the rest of recess. He got off with nothing; he didn't even get told not to step on people. Not fair.

(This was also the same guy who grabbed me by the throat from behind and told me he was going to kill me. He pulled out a switchblade and asked if I wanted to die. I was already terrified being that I had just started going to public school after four years of private school and didn't know anyone. He held me there for a few minutes while he and his friends laughed at how scared I was and kept asking if I want to die. Then he flipped open the switchblade and it was a comb that looked like a knife. Then he slammed me on the ground and they went off laughing. Again the recess monitor didn't do anything.)

Any wonder why I spent the majority of the next ten years reading by myself? I spent about 5 to 18 hours a day reading. Pretty sad. On the other hand that's the only thing I'm good at.

Any ways that brings me back to what I was saying. If Hamas started the whole stupid thing, they shouldn't complain and say the other people need to stop first; we are just reacting to their actions. What is wrong with you stupid people?

I know I rambled a bit and didn't really make it too coherent but hopefully you get the idea. By the way, I hated growing up.

Why yes! I am cold.

2009-01-13T11:12:00.000-08:00

So with the new year I made a couple of resolutions. I don't think I've ever actually kept one before but I will keep trying until one sticks. Anyways, my resolutions are

1: Get my finances in order so I can take care of my family.

2: Get my weight up to 190.

Funny thing is that my brother has pretty much the same goals. Of course he has to take a totally different approach that I do. I need to gain about 30 to 35 pounds and he needs to lose about 20, I think. Also I make an OK amount of money but need to spend more wisely and he needs to find a job having moved to a different state a few weeks ago. I just thought it was interesting. We tend to be similar in more ways then I ever expected but on to something more fun!

Last night Candice and I were watching some dance show(I don't remember what, some international competition), and watching the American team kind of reminded me of my favorite dance thing I've ever seen. Robert Murraine is pretty incredible.

And that is all I can think of right now. I had a bunch more stuff but since I didn't write anything down, I forgot it all. Good times.

Nice to meet you...

2009-01-03T18:16:00.000-08:00

Last night I got a text from a number I didn't recognize. This seems to happen more often than you would think. It was kind of funny so here is the whole conversation:

matt harris "Honey im home"

Me "Ok.Who are you? My honey is at home where I am not."

matt harris "Uh its matt harris"

Me "Uh I don't know a Matt Harris and unless you're gay I'm not your honey. Plus I'm on
the other side of the country from Maryland."

matt harris "So am i"

Me "Still, I doubt I'm your honey."

matt harris "Well i can make you my bitch"

Me "Yeah doubt that too."

matt harris "So mean"

Me "I only speak the truth."

matt harris "I only speak from my heart"

Me "So your heart says to make people your bitch. What kind of person does that make you?
Good day sir."

matt harris "Good eve to you"

The weird thing is that this was probably the most normal text conversation I've had with a stranger. Also in case you were wondering, (or even if you're not) I looked up his area code (301) and it was from western Maryland.

Cubist Little Richard

2008-12-30T15:19:00.001-08:00

I found this on the hard drive of my work laptop. I forgot I had it on there and
I was bored at lunch so I printed it out and put it together.

Hmmm... Classic literature

2008-12-16T11:16:00.000-08:00

So I've heard about the book by Vladimir Nabokov "Lolita" and its supposed to be a masterpiece and his most important work, blah blah blah. But apparently it's about a child molester but well-written. Like that makes it better. Makes me wonder about things. Anyways here is the extremely compressed version of the book complements of Dinosaur Comics:

click on picture for full comic

I'm not entirely sure what to think of the book now but I think it's off my list of books to read before I die.

Jack the Ripper's bear

2008-12-03T16:37:00.000-08:00

I saw Jack the Ripper's trained killer bear in Provo last night. It was attacking some poor, defenseless snowman. Beheading it actually. It was disturbing, natch.

Before that I was almost killed by the mayor of the city as well. Bored to death is more like it but that's besides the point. Looks like it's a dangerous city out there.

2008-11-26T17:57:00.000-08:00

Since the price of gas went through the roof reaching over $4.50 a gallon as recently as a few months ago I've slowed down considerably. I am enjoying the money saved. Other people apparently were aware of this as well because everyone else was going the speed limit and I was even passing a lot of people but No More! Now that fuel prices are less than half of what they were, everybody is driving fast again. I feel like the tortoise from the ancient proverb constantly getting passed by the faster hares. At least I'm saving money, suckers! Not as much fun though. Crap.

Also I love new socks. I would be supremely happy if I could wear only new ones. There is nothing better than putting on a pair of brand new socks. It's also nice to have the cushion with no holes especially since I have to (on occasion) wear my boots for up to 18 hours. Even with $140 boots the socks really make a difference. Yup. They are one of the good things in life.

And last but not least I read this on HCwDB:
"DJs can play a great role in the club experience. Being a DJ is not auto-douche, and many are extremely good at what they do. DJs are entertainers. DJs can create and facilitate a great club vibe.What DJs are not, however, are musicians. They are a trade. And the problem lies when they try to confuse the two.I'm talking to you, trust fund ecstasy taking DJ pseudo-artist. Learn what a seventh chord is. Learn what the "circle of fifths" is. Learn to play an actual instrument. Until then, you are no more a musician than a printing press is an author.You are a facilitator. A middle man. A bureaucrat in creative drag. An intermediary disguised as producer.Even the great postmodern artists learned how to produce traditional classically trained art. Warhol was a graphic designer. Picasso and Dali learned classical realism before experimenting with form. DJs desire to tap into the societal myth of "rock star" without having to bother with learning the chords or put in the creative energy in coming up with any music on their own.And I understand that.Who wouldn't want the benefits of being rock-star famous without having to have the musical talent or creativity to back it up? It's auto-fame without merit. Like characters out of Vonnegut's Harrison Bergeron, they give hope to the talentless by spreading the wealth equally, no matter one's innate abilities. They offer a gateway to fame through random egalitarian lottery.Get the right haircut and hold a set of retro 80s headphone to one ear and you too can stand on a pedestal and play the star.But therein lies the problem. They want to roll out of bed with perfectly tussled hair at 1pm, turn on their iPod turntable with the retro-analog speakers and call themselves an artist. But no amount of carefully placed tribal tatts and stubble will turn you into a genuine production point, sample-boy. You are an empty vessel set to other people's beats. A shell of human form emulating the authentic under the rubric of postmodern refraction and reinvention. Because you're not willing to put in the work that will lead to genuine inspiration.I'm not saying you DJs don't have your place. You're like my aural waiter. You bring me the sonics, and I appreciate it. If I could tip, I'd definitely go over 15%. Provided you play some Fishbone and De La Soul.Know your place, sonic proletariat, and all will be well in the witching hour.Put on delusions of grandeur, claim the role of creator instead of what you really are, an ambulatory iPod with a stupid haircut and no health insurance, and God will keep you out of Israel forever."

I think I agree.

The nightmare keeps getting worse... J/K

2008-11-19T07:32:00.000-08:00

Creepy, isn't he?

Nightmare Before Christmas has som pretty good music but now it's better. In September Nightmare REvisited was released and it has various artists such as Korn, Flyleaf, Amy Lee, Marylin Manson, etc. I like it quite a bit. Click here for a full preview of the album. There is an annoying guy at the begining of each track but it's better than buying it right now. By the way I'm probably going to buy it for Candice as part of her gift at Christmas. Kind of fitting. So don't tell her or the kids; they aren't the best at keeping secrets.

Also From LFG: Cameos

2008-11-18T10:13:00.000-08:00

This comic is pretty disturbing but entertaining and I thought these cameos were pretty good. You should be able to figure out the first one easily. It's become pretty mainstream. The other one is not so obvious unless you've read some fantasy but you ought to be able to figure it out. Especially with all the handy labels.

Click on pictures for full view.

And now for something slightly disturbing!

2008-11-18T10:07:00.000-08:00

Real Age = YAY

2008-11-16T10:57:00.000-08:00

I took the RealAge test and I was expecting to be over 30 because of all the stress and other crap I deal with or rather don't deal with. I was pleasantly surprised that I got a RealAge of 26. One year younger than chronological age. I liked the suggestions especially "Hang up and Drive." Probably a good idea but it's not going to happen. By the way, that is an actual screenshot from the end of the test. Anyways, I feel a little better about myself. Now if I only felt that young.

P.S. I forgot to mention that my RealAge is 2 years younger than my little brother who is chronologically 5 years younger than me. Of course, he can still kick my @$$ so yay.

wrong song...

2008-11-15T09:57:00.000-08:00

I was a little confused for a while. I thought a song on the radio was from Panic at the Disco but in reality it was from The Offspring. If you listen to it you can hear the Offspring sound but it definitely has Panic influences. Oh, I forgot to mention the name of the song. It's "You're Gonna Go Far Kid". Listen to it, you'll see. I promise.

Odds and ends

2008-11-14T16:07:00.001-08:00

I forgot to mention that in the previous post that he owns cats because they are the ninja of the animal world. And something else but I can't remember right now. The rest of this post is just random stuff.

First off, we had my work Thanksgiving dinner yesterday and afterwards we watched Iron Man. I love that movie. That was the third time watching it and I still think that the giant suit looks like a Space Marine. So here's some Warhammer 40K fun:

Someone has way too much time on their hands:

I hate those Geico commercials:

I'm am so glad the election is over:

And I have finally inconclusively proved the existence of the elusive Sewer Monkey:

Don't ask what the other stuff is.

And last but not least, this pissed me off the other night. I pulled up to a light. It was red in all four directions for several minutes but as you can see in the picture, on the left is the walking sign and the right is the don't walk sign. I don't get it. Stupid lights.

The lost years of James Mcintosh Qwilleran

2008-11-09T15:50:00.000-08:00

Unbeknownst to the residents of Moose county and the rest of the world, billionaire philanthropist James McIntosh Qwilleran's youth was lost in the annals of time. Until now. Trolling the seas of vast information on the Internet I have discovered that before Qwill (as he is lovingly known to the residents of Moose county) adopted the famous cat Kao Ko Kung and incidentally Yum Yum, and inherited his billions he was secretly (dum dum DA!) a NINJA! While being a big time reporter he did ninja work on the side fighting crime. Where do you think he got the info for his prize winning book on crime? If you don't believe me I offer the following proof: a picture of taken while in full ninja dress.

Note the luxuriant salt and pepper mustache.

That my friends is something you can't fake. For further reading on the adventures of the young ninja Qwilleran, I would suggest reading Dr. McNinja. Amazing, I know. And so my readers, I leave you with just that golden nugget of information lest more completely blows your minds and you spend the rest of your days as a vegetable, unable to read my blog any further. I need all the readers I can get.

Say hello to my leetle friends!

2008-11-06T21:09:00.000-08:00

Candice always tells the girls to "learn something new, make a new friend." Today, I did just that. I "learned" that the life preserver case at work is made of unsealed fiberglass. I made "friends" with the hundreds of glass slivers in my forearms. Fantastic. Also I learned that I don't learn very well. So in another two years you can expect that I will again be complaining about my "new friends." And yes, it itches. Thanks for asking.

Absolute rubbish...

2008-11-04T08:06:00.000-08:00

I'd say this is up there with people believing Mormons have horns.

There is a windmill in my beard. Your argument is invalid!

2008-11-03T20:01:00.001-08:00

Ah, November. The time of year when a man's face sings the praises of the beard. It is also National Beard Month for which required reading can be found here. There are some very notable beards including General Ambrose Burnside and Brigham Young. I have been know to sport a BY beard from time to time. Unfortunately as my beard is of the same quality as a fifteen year old boy's mine was not quite as amazing but none the less I persevere. Happy beard growing.

I will leave you with some inspiration:

And last but not least:

Wow and ouch

2008-10-25T10:04:00.000-07:00

I've been reading about doing shoulder dislocations which apparently improve shoulder health and mobility. I could use more of both. The video I found was taken off of YouTube so I looked for another one. Here's the video I found:

By the way, this guy is ripped. Just in case you didn't notice.
The shoulder dislocations just look painful.

2008-10-24T06:11:00.001-07:00

Purple is the new red and blue.

Hmmm...

2008-10-20T07:28:00.001-07:00

If the world were logical, men would be the ones to ride sidesaddle.

We're manly men

2008-10-19T14:34:00.000-07:00

I ran across this quote from Teddy Roosevelt on a post on the Art of Manliness and it made me think a bit about my life.

"What we have a right to expect of the American boy is that he shall turn out to be a good American man.
The boy can best become a good man by being a good boy–not a goody-goody boy, but just a plain good boy.

I do not mean that he must love only the negative virtues; I mean that he must love the positive virtues also. ‘Good,’ in the largest sense, should include whatever is fine, straightforward, clean, brave and manly.

The best boys I know–the best men I know–are good at their studies or their business, fearless and stalwart, hated and feared by all that is wicked and depraved, incapable of submitting to wrongdoing, and equally incapable of being aught but tender to the weak and helpless.

Of course the effect that a thoroughly manly, thoroughly straight and upright boy can have upon the companions of his own age, and upon those who are younger, is incalculable.

If he is not thoroughly manly, then they will not respect him, and his good qualities will count for but little; while, of course, if he is mean, cruel, or wicked, then his physical strength and force of mind merely make him so much the more objectionable a member of society.

He can not do good work if he is not strong and does not try with his whole heart and soul to count in any contest; and his strength will be a curse to himself and to every one else if he does not have a thorough command over himself and over his own evil passions, and if he does not use his strength on the side of decency, justice and fair dealing.

In short, in life, as in a football game, the principle to follow is: Hit the line hard: don’t foul and don’t shirk, but hit the line hard."

Lately I admit I've felt a little jealous of some guys I see because they are out doing things that I always wanted to do but never could. They've got nice cars and motorcycles and go out and do the various things that I never got to do because I was a father at 19. No time for much but taking care of my family. I didn't really get to play around. But I look at these guys and a lot of them seem to be boys in men's bodies and now I don't feel so bad. I'm not saying I'm manly like Teddy is saying but it gives me some idea of how I should be and gives me a template of sorts to use in raising my son.

So anyways, Teddy Roosevelt for Pres. in '08 would be great. Much better choice than what we are stuck with.

Juggling Fun

2008-10-18T10:25:00.000-07:00

Yesterday the family and I went to the Scarecrow Festival at Thanksgiving Point. There I saw a juggler juggle two balls and a live kid. It sounds worse than it really was. He juggled two balls in one hand while holding the little boy in his other. He threw the balls a little higher then switched the boy to the other side. The more interesting thing I saw him do was spin a hula hoop on his right leg while juggling with his left, doing a paddle ball with his right hand and spinning a top on his tongue. I was tired just watching him.

Also (in the vein of my line of work) he pulled out a toilet brush, a plunger and said he will juggle them with a "piece of poo". Turns out he meant a piece of "Pooh". He had half a stuffed Pooh on a stick. I've got to admit he was pretty good.

The one with the poo

2008-10-12T07:53:00.000-07:00

Apparently "Friends" really does relate to my life! I quote Chandler: "Whose number two? One of the more difficult games sewer workers play." Not too often my profession is mentioned on TV.

Awkward silences straight ahead!

2008-10-09T20:21:00.000-07:00

.

.

Need I say more?

2008-10-01T19:12:00.001-07:00

So I sez to the guy...

2008-09-30T15:48:00.000-07:00

So there was this female fly sitting on a cow pie and a male fly comes over and says "Pardon me, but is this stool taken?"

I'm getting in shape (and I don't mean round)

2008-09-21T11:36:00.000-07:00

"If it weren't for the fact that the TV set and the refrigerator are so far apart, some of us wouldn't get any exercise at all."
Joey Adams

"Those who think they have not time for bodily exercise will sooner or later have to find time for illness."
Edward Stanley

"Children have never been very good at listening to their elders, but they have never failed to imitate them."
James Baldwin

"If you are not in the process of becoming the person you want to be, you are automatically engaged in becoming the person you don't want to be. "
I don't remember where I got this from but it's true.

“A nail is driven out by another nail. Habit is overcome by habit.”
Desiderius Erasmus

I will start working out seriously tomorrow. I've been kind of doing stuff here and there but not really anything comprehensive. I picked up a copy of "Core Performance" by Mark Verstegen. I read it and it made a lot of sense. I'm really not in good shape; I have poor posture and a lot of weak areas. The program outlined in the book helps shore up your weaknesses so you have balanced fitness.

I put on some weight when I was working at nights on the weekends. I went from about 8% body fat to about 15% almost doubling it. Also I went from 150 to 165 lbs. in about 5 months. I've never really had abs but now I definitely don't. Instead I now have a nice little belly. Once I quit working nights I started to slowly lose the weight but my belly is still sticking around. I started eating vegetarian in the beginning of June and as you can tell by the info below I lost some weight:

April 29
Weight: 156.4 lbs.
Body fat: 11.4%
Muscle: 45.1%
BMI: 21.2

Sept 6
Weight: ???
Body fat: 10.8%
Muscle: 45.7%
BMI: 20.9

Sept 21
Weight: 152.8 lbs.
Body fat: 10.5%
Muscle: 45.9%
BMI: 20.7

Now those numbers really aren't that bad but I need to be able to keep up with all my kids and I'm slowing down already. Plus I eventually want to look like this:

Whether or not that is realistic is besides the point. I can dream can't I? Plus we all need goals. There isn't really any motivation to workout if you don't have a goal to visualize to get you through the crappy parts (which is everything). Anyways I plan on following the "Core Performance" workout for around 12 weeks which is as long as it goes. Maybe afterwards I will try the "300" workout which (as evidenced by the photo) works wonders when combined with proper nutrition. I am going to try and check in every Monday with my weight, body fat, muscle percent and BMI(according to my scale). Also I will let you know if I have actually done the workouts I'm supposed to do. I know that those scales aren't perfectly accurate but they give you a good idea of what's going on in your body.

Anyways GOOD LUCK TO ME!

Why did we have to go there?

2008-09-18T20:35:00.000-07:00

Want to hear a funny story about my divorce? Yeah, me too. On a similar note I went to Walmart with the family (which we don't usually do) and guess who we ran into? You've got it, my ex! She and her husband told the girls all about "the big surprise" and then she grabbed them both by the throat and kissed them on the head. You heard right: she grabbed them by the throat. I couldn't believe it. Actually I can. You don't live with someone for four years and not learn something about them. Now it wasn't a "I'm going to kill you!" throat grab but that's not an appropriate way to pull your child towards you. What to do, what to do, what to do?

Arrgh! Health Insurance!

2008-09-17T21:04:00.001-07:00

Editor's note: I am not anti-Republican. Just anti-stupid.

Yesterday, I believe, I heard about John McCain's brilliant idea for health care reform. He's going to tax anyone who has an employer that cares enough about its employees to pay for some of their health insurance deductible. What ever money the employer pays for your deductible is going to be considered income and therefore taxable. Then they will give a credit for 2500 for a single person or 5000 for a family to apply towards the extra taxes you would have to pay. This is to encourage people to leave the safety of their employer-sponsored plan and forage out into the wide, wonderful world of the unregulated health insurance market. There you will find no leverage, no group discounts, plenty of years wasted on pre-existing conditions and the insurance companies have all the power.

The idea behind this is that this will give everyone the chance to get health insurance subsidized by the government. So for a family you would get 5000 a year to pay for health insurance. The problem is the market is unregulated and they can charge whatever they want. My employer is generous enough to pay all of my insurance premium which is $10,800 a year. Serious. That $5k from the government is not going to be very helpful if you still have to pay $5k a year for the premium. Most people who don't have insurance cant afford an additional $5k a year. Plus this amount is not going to increase over the next 10 years. So when the premium is $15k per year that $5k isn't going to be very helpful if you can't afford to shell out an extra thousand a month. Also there won't be enough money collected from the extra taxes to really pay for this so the money is going to have to come from somewhere.

So this sounds like a great plan if you make a lot of money or have so many houses you can't remember how many you have. Nice.

P.S.
It's not that I don't think that everyone should be able to have health insurance, I just don't think it should be subsidized only by people who have employer-sponsored insurance. There needs to be a fundamental overhaul of the insurance market so they can't gouge you for coverage and deny payment for services.

I can't believe it took me this long...

2008-09-13T21:00:00.001-07:00

This is kind of dumb but why does Edna Mode from The Incredibles have such high security? I mean she is just a clothes designer who used to make the costumes for the supers, right? Well I just realized that she knows everything about them, their secret identities, their powers and the extent of their powers. If someone(Syndrome?) really wanted to find out about the supers, they could do worse than to get try and get the info from Edna. Or it might be the last thing they do.

I really like the look on her face here. I don't think you want to cross her.